It's Christmas!

I don't really know what that means, but there's been lots of paper and cutting and tape and I keep getting yelled at for taking the paper and tape and stuff out of the trash. Sheesh, it's not like I ate the presents.

Anyways, mama says that because it's Christmas (and something about a new ear -- I'm not sure what that's about. I like my ears just fine) that I'm not gonna blog for the rest of the year. That seems like a really long time, but she acts like she knows what she's talking about.

So merry Christmas and I hope you like your new ears!

I have a Blockage

I can't think of anything to talk about. Mama says this happens to even the best writers, but I dunno. This sucks.

Is there anything you want to know about?

I Have a Bug!

Look what came in the mail yesterday!


It's my very own Bug! From auntybug. Have I mentioned how much she rocks?

I already pulled the tip off one of the dangling things on his head, and mama had to pull the insides out of the dangly thing so I wouldn't eat it, and I think I killed the squeaker, but I LOVE it!

I Got a Coat!

I wasn't really sure how I felt when mama pulled out my latest present -- well, after I tried to chew on it, of course -- but it's not so bad. It keeps me warm while we play outside in the snow, and I think it looks pretty cool.


Best of all it looks like a cape!


In case you follow me in a reader, come look at the blog. I have a new picture!

AND, if you don't already follow me on Facebook, go check out more pictures there: facebook/com/SuperOwen1.

Bad Girl!

This is what she gets for ignoring me for the past month.

Nom Nom Nom

They say you should eat a variety of colors... I'm just trying to get a balanced diet.

This Noveling Business Doesn't Do Much for Me

I don't know if you heard, but mama is trying to write a novel in a month. I guess there's a group of people inside her glowy box who think writing is cool and fun or something (seriously, have they tried playing with a sock?) and they all talk to each other blah blah blah.

How about she tries giving me treats every day for a month. Or playing with me? Or walking me?

Yeah, yeah, she does do that, but really? A whole month for writing? That's just silly.

Cruel and Unusual Punishment

So you know I like socks, right? And that I'm not supposed to chew on them.

Well why would mama put socks on her hands? It's like she's trying to torture me!

No biting fingers.
No chewing socks.
No chewing socks on fingers.

*sigh*

This is a Weird Present

Mama's boss went to Poland and all I got was this brown bag.


It's not very fun to play with, mostly because mama won't let me chew on it.


I'm not really sure what this is for, but the dog looks like he's having fun.

I Graduated!

I'm done with school! Grampa and mamama came along, but the class started a little weird because the other class was taking really long.

I was a little nervous. Mama said something about performance anxiety, whatever that is.


We're not used to being in the hall without our mats so everyone was sliding all over.


The teacher had us walk back and forth a lot because that was something we could all do out there.


Finally we're in our class! Look at me go!


I told you I behave when there's treats involved.



All done!

See! Ferocious!

A Most Delectable Delight

(I don't know what that means -- I read it on a t-shirt someplace.)


Have you ever had a rope? It's my favorite toy ever.


True, I love the ones that squeak (I mean, how could you not?) but this one lets me get ferocious! Grr!

Blue What?

I'm totally not doing anything wrong.


I'm not.


Look how shiny it is...


I'm not doing anything, really. Don't pay attention to the blue light in my mouth. That's just an illusion.

Nomnomnom.

I Am the Yoga Master

Mama rolls out this mat before she jumps around in front of the TV. I think it's very nice of her to give me a squishy place to chew on my bone, don't you?

I Can Catch!

Look how talented I am! Grampa said a bad word at the end of the video so be careful if you have little kids around when you watch this.

On second thought, maybe you better just turn down the volume because I'm way too cute not to share.

I'd Rather Have the Juice

See this can? Looks harmless right? Don't let it fool you.


Inside that can is NOT oh-so-tasty juice (trust me, it's yummy) but thousands and thousands of BEANS! And they aren't even cooked!

Apparently someone who must not like me very much told mama that shaking a can with pennies inside will stop me from misbehaving. As if. Well I overheard her saying she thought it's be funny to use dried black beans. You know, because I'm Mexican?

Yeah, she's a riot.


Unfortunately those beans are LOUD and even though I try to ignore when they jump all around, they scare the bejeezus out of me!

I don't like it!

Grammama

Remember when I told you about this lady I met who was really nice and I was really excited to see?

What do you mean that sounds like everyone I meet?

THIS lady is REALLY nice and we went to see her! Mama and I were in the car forever but when we got there the lady had TWO presents for me. There was a weird squeaky moany toy that bounced around, and a stuffed bear! He was lots of fun, but mama kept telling me I couldn’t eat his eyes. What else is a bear for?

Then another lady came over and all three of them sat in front of a glowy box, so that part wasn’t very much fun.

After that we got in the car again and visited ANOTHER lady, but this lady had two little boys!! They ran ALL over the yard with me and threw a ball and a frisbee and I don’t remember much after that because I slept until the next day.

She's Not So Smart

Guys! Guys!

*comes closer*

I figured something out. See, mama loooooves to pull on my leash when I take her for walks. It wasn't a big deal until she got this different collar at school that gets really tight around my neck. Now it's pretty annoying.

Well, she's always making these weird tsk-ing noises when she's pulling extra hard but yesterday I figured out that if I walk NEXT to her, she doesn't pull. Ha!

I'll teach her yet.

She's MAGIC!

Mama is magic. See, sometimes she'll be talking to me and I'm looking at her and she's right in front of me. Then other times she's on the wall inside a box. Then she's back in front of me.

How does she do that? Did she study magic?

Oh, and sometimes I see MYSELF in the box on the wall. Can someone please explain this to me?

It's Too Early for This

Where Do I File a Complaint?

I would like to go on record that I do NOT like mama's job. Ever since I was little she stayed home with me and played with me and gave me all the attention I wanted, when I wanted it.

Now she gives me a couple hugs in the morning then leaves ALL DAY. She does take me for walks after work, but it's just not the same. I need quality time chasing my fox and my monkey and my squeaky sock.

Plus it's hard for me to turn on the glowy box without her. I hope you guys don't mind that I haven't been posting as much.

A Quirk?

On my post about things I've done 100 times Nadine said she thought it was funny (or something... really do you expect me to go back and read that? I've got bones to chew...) that I sometimes eat from the right side of the dish.

Not sometimes. Always.


I thought it was silly to take a picture. I mean, who wants to see my half-eaten meal?

My EYES!

I got a haircut earlier this week (the same day as class -- I don't know what mama was thinking) and these people don't know WHAT they're doing. Not only did they rip all the hair out of my ears, but they CUT OFF MY EYEBROWS!


I'm a Schnauzer. I'm supposed to have long dangly eyebrows that threaten to steal your cupcake when you aren't looking. How am I supposed to be sneaky now?

*sits*

I can't talk right now. I'm practicing something called "heeling."

Why didn't anyone tell me this has NOTHING to do with chewing on shoes? I thought I'd finally get my own pair to shred but noooooooo, I have to sit when told and look forward, then walk when told.

Hrrumph.

Things I've Done 100 Times

Jumped on mama
Licked mama
Bit mama
Run away from mama
Leaped from one piece of furniture to another
Leaped from the couch to a person
Leaped from person to person


Jumped on mamama
Licked mamama
Bit mamama
Barked for treats
Howled for treats
Howled for a walk
Howled for attention
Howled for someone to turn on the light 'cuz it's scary in the dark
Sat in mama's lap
Slept in mama's lap
Dropped a toy in mama's lap
Jumped on grampa
Licked grampa
Bit grampa
Begged for a banana
Begged for a Special K flake
Gone CRAZY for a piece of chicken
Only eaten from the right side of my food dish
Lost an ice cube under the fridge


Stolen a sock
Brought the sock outside
Got the sock all dirty
Brought the dirty sock back inside
Ran around with the dirty sock
Gone back for a fresh sock
Squeaked my toys
Squeaked my toys
Squeaked my toys
Chased leaves
Chased blades of grass
Chased birds
Remained oblivious to deer, rabbits and squirrels
Looked cute and adorable


And finally...

Posted on my blog!! That's right, this is post #100!

What have you done 100 times?

This Obedience School Thing Isn't So Bad

My first obedience school class was last night. I was nervous about it and didn't really know what to expect, but then mama left without me!

I was sure that all this talk about me learning to stop jumping and biting and sitting when I'm supposed to (I do sit most of the time, I just don't stay there very long) made me think that I'd be going to the classes, but maaaaaaybe this class is really for people.

I knew there was nothing wrong with me. It's all her!

I'm Not Strange, I'm Relaxed

There's a rumor going around that I'm weird. Or strange. Or something. I even got an award for it from Haggis, that cool Chihuahua who tries to help me out. (My mama got a couple awards too so it's not just me.)


There's a bunch of rules that go with this award, but my thumbs don't work the same as most bloggers so I'm just gonna steal what Haggis has:

The 'Strange Men in Pinstripe Suits' award is given to only the strangest of folk, and as the recipient of such you are deemed very strange indeed. Congratulations.

Now you must go forth and celebrate the strangeness of friends (and strangers - strangers are always allowed) by nominating blogs run by strange folk. *Beware, some people don't like you to refer to them as strange... Try to avoid them if possible.

I'm not gonna nominate anyone because I think everyone who follows my blog is, by default, kinda weird, but if you want to see where this started, there's this last bit:

And, if you email catephoenix(at)gmail(dot)com and tell her you've received the award for your strangeness, she'll enter you in the biggest kick-ass Strange Men competition ever. Details over at strangemeninpinstripesuits.com (click on the award link on the home page)

Really I'm just super happy that I'm the only dog running the show here -- the crazy dog left yesterday!

This is As Close to Facing Downward as I Get

I Am Not Pleased

Is This Part of the Training?

You know how mama says I need to go to obedience school? (whatever) Apparently I start in a couple weeks, plus she read some book with a dog guy on the front so now she has all these new ways of doing things with me.

All I know is the socks are harder to get to. Not impossible, but harder.

But that's not my point. You see, there's this other DOG in my house. And she's not very nice. She's bossy and barks at me and eats my food and--

Are you ready for this?

My grampa PETS her!

Is this some wacko form of training that I've never heard of? I know I need to make some friends (mama calls it socializing) but I don't think this woman is the way to do that.

Any suggestions?

What the... ?

Mama seems to think I shouldn't be in certain places in the house. Like behind the couch. I don't know why -- it's nice and cozy back there and no one bothers me.

Sure, I scratch the carpet before I lie down, but how else am I supposed to get it just right? Sheesh.

Well, she got an idea from a cousin of hers to put this shiny stuff where she doesn't want me to go.



Fine, she wins. There's plenty of other places I can rest.

*hurrumph*

A New Look. Again?

I think someone has too much time on her hands. She's gone and changed things here AGAIN.

*looks around*

I hafta say, I do kinda like the cleaner look. No extra fluff mussing things up.

She also went and got me my very own Facebook page! Not an account like a person -- just a fan page, or something like that. You can find it here.

She did insist that I share a couple outtakes with you.

I don't look my best, so please don't make too much fun of me.


She kept yap yap yapping at me, so I was trying to talk back!


Yes, there were treats involved.

So whaddya think?

Breakfast

What's your favorite breakfast food?

My meals are pretty boring. Mama gives me a scoop of these brown crunchy things in the morning and after she gets home from work, and they expect me to be satisfied with that. Ha!

I do get a lot of treats, though. Mama gives me a flake from her cereal every morning, but the BEST is when mamama gives me a chunk of her banana!

BANANA!

Have you HAD a banana? Nom nom nom nom nom.

I've been getting peanut butter lately too, but I think that's coming to an end. Mama's been shoving a pill in the middle, thinking she's all sneaky, but I know what's what. I just choose the peanut butter.

I'm Freeeeeeeeeee!

Oh. My. Gosh!

Last night when mama came home from work I was jumping and spinning in circles like I always do when my head slammed into her leg and MY CONE FELL OFF! Me and mama and mamama stopped what we were doing and just stared at it for a second. It's strange how innocent it looks when it's not clutching my throat and making my life miserable.

That second passed and I REALLY jumped for joy! They kept saying something about waiting to see if I'd lick my stitches -- um, hello? I'm a dog. That's what I do. -- but I guess I passed whatever test they had because mama put my collar back on a little later.

FINALLY!

Do you know what it's like running around without your identity? Not to mention a satellite dish on your head?

*runs in circles*

This is What I Do

I don't see why it's such a big deal. Why walk when I can leap?

No No No No No

Aparently all that jumping tore my stitches and I had to go back to the vet yesterday. I had bunch of pus and have to take more pills, but grampa says I'll be okay.

You can stop looking at me now.

Mmm... Socks

Have I mentioned I like socks?

No?

I like socks.

*ahem*

Mama put a bunch of socks on her dresser and now they just taunt me. They call my name when I'm trying to sleep, just ASKING me to play with them. I'm trying, but they're a little hard to get to.


I did get halfway on the dresser but mama stopped me before I actually got one in my mouth. We'll meet again Mr. Sock...

That Was Totally NOT What I Signed Up For

Who was responsible for THAT? I have two cuts between my legs and something feels a little... off. Like I've lost my zest.

*growls*

Nah, I'm really okay. Yesterday was kinda weird and I didn't have ANY energy, but I woke mama up at 5:30 this morning and now she keeps saying I'm just like my normal self.

There was a moment last night when I started shaking so mamama put a blanket on me. I humored them and took a nap. Not because I enjoyed it or anything.

Um, Guys?

I'm getting nervous. Mama keeps talking about something called surgery and giving me sad looks. And they're STILL talking about this cone and how silly I'll look.

What the heck is gong on??

Although mama did tell a funny story about a chihuahua rolling in circles on the floor for half an hour because he didn't like his cone. It must not have been the same flavor as mine.

I TOLD You They Were Talking About an Ice Cream Cone

You silly people. (and Haggis.) You acted like I didn't know what was going on. But LOOK! An ice cream cone!



Yeah, so my mama had to help me hold it. What? I don't have thumbs.



The paparazzi thought this was really exciting.


Thank you to the lady who works with mamama. It was really yummy!

*hint hint*

Chillaxin'

Mama's been spending a lot of time on the deck lately, so I keep watch back here too.

Standing Guard

There's a lot to keep track of around here. Birds, deer, bunnies (not that I've ever actually SEEN one of these elusive bunnies. Or deer for that matter. I think they're making them up to get me all riled up. And they say I'm trouble.)

Anyway, good thing I have someplace to sit so I can see everything. Otherwise something might slip by.

New Pictures!

Mama helped me make a new header for my blog! What do you think?

I also made her give me a new profile picture since I was still a baby in my other one. Now it looks more like me.

Foxy

This is my fox. I bring it to mama to SHOW her, but then she won't let go.


Okay, maybe I WANT her to do this.


Yeah, this is fun.


Do you have a fox you can chew on? I highly recommend it.